It’s 3AM, and my boyfriend and I have been broken up for exactly twenty four hours now. I lie in bed, staring blankly at the television. The noise is now just background noise to the many thoughts that are racing through my head.
My right hand throbbed as I fumbled for the remote. I suppose I should have removed my hand from the car door as I slammed it shut on my ex-boyfriend, trapping him inside his vehicle and telling him that he couldn’t get away fast enough. The sudden dart of pain in my hand took me right back to standing there, holding my now injured hand and yelling at him through the car window as he stared at me as though I’d finally lost it. Why was it that he was the one who had laid a hand on another woman, yet I was the one with a hand that was black and blue.
I slid out of bed, heading to the kitchen so that I could create an ice pack and place it on my hand. I sincerely hoped something wasn’t broken, I was in no mood to go to the hospital. How would I explain that to an E.R. doctor without looking like a crazy, jealous girlfriend? I didn’t need any more humiliation after finding thirty racy emails and text messages shared between my boyfriend and my hair stylist.
I’d never broken anything before, so I figured I should check to see what the symptoms were exactly, and if there were any tell tell signs that would let me know for sure what sort of damage I had (other than a throbbing headache, swollen eyes, and a heart that was shattered into a million pieces.) I trudged over to my desk and Googled ‘broken hand symptoms’. After seeing a list of pain medications, I realized I had some leftover Tramadol (a non-narcotic pain medication) left over from a knee injury I’d had a few months ago.
I took the Tramadol and plopped back down into my computer chair. I found myself Googling ‘Tramadol for a broken heart’. Unfortunately, no helpful websites popped up, no offers for free shipping or information on where to buy Tramadol online cheap without a prescription to stop ‘moderate to severe pain’ of a broken heart. I did, however, learn Tramadol was being prescribed with an off-label use for depression by many doctors, so maybe taking the Tramadol for the possibly broken hand would slightly aid my broken heart? Depression and heartache have to be slightly similar, right?
If I do have to go to the E.R, I’m going to cross my black and blue fingers that the doctor is cute and takes pity on a woman who was wronged.
Follow up: I went to the E.R, and my hand is actually broken. The Vicoden is helping. My heart is also broken, and I’m sure it’s black and blue as well, but unfortunately I still haven’t found a cure for that. Web M.D. really needs to get on that.